In his excellent book Subliminal, Leonard Mlodinow discusses a common and not-often-commented-upon element of all in-person social interactions—what he refers to as the “gaze game.”
We automatically adjust the amount of time we spend looking into another’s eyes as a function of our relative social position, and we typically do it without being aware that we are doing it. (emphasis mine)
The “gaze game” is played by our unconscious, which analyzes the relative social positions involved (either known or suspected), and then directs your eyeballs to comply according to the results.
As with many of the phenomena covered by Mlodinow in the book, this one is unconscious, making it difficult to observe in the moment as it’s happening. (Also, the lack of recent in-person interactions has made verification tricky.) That said, I have had the experience with my in-laws—a polite deferral of my gaze, no more than that—but enough to be curious to experience the “gaze game” once we are all thrown back into a post-COVID world of more frequent interactions.
Taylor Coe 